The horrible summer of hangovers and barely getting by seems like a long time ago, and now Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here soon.
This relapse started a year ago. I got to a month sober in last December, and then four months from February to June this year. Hopefully I can learn from those recent lessons, along with the others decades ago.
I’m stuck still. Over the last twelve months, I have had trouble getting out of the house, even out of bed – so bad I will even do work in bed. It is something I have never dealt with ever before. I used to scoff internally when I heard about those suffering from depression having this problem. Now I can so RELATE!
Laying in bed has resulted in horrible weight gain along with a bunch of other issues. It is the biggest problem I need to solve, and stopping it will result in a bunch of immediate benefits. Like yesterday, it was a beautiful day with blue sky and wonderful fall warmth (but not hot and humid like earlier this autumn). Just thinking about that is depressing, but I deprived myself of the benefits of the sun and basic movement outside. How 18 years ago I thru-hiked the 2,000 miles of the Appalachian Trail from Georgia to Maine – doing 30 miles in one day once – and today I can’t get out of bed, is a little mind blowing.
I want to change all the bad habits at once – cutting back on caffeine and over eating, exercising, stopping the obsession of the current train wreck of American politics, etc. But I just need to set up a reasonable achievable goal:
When I wake in the morning or after dropping the kids off to school, I will drive to the gym where I can do work in the cafe before or after exercising.
It is a simple daily goal. I no longer have an external office, and especially every other week the kids are with their mom, I can go days without getting out the house and spend most of my time in bed.
This is a cycle and habit I need to break, or I am convinced I will drink again.